‘Today Your Love, Tamara Ward!’

Ms. All Bare AmericaEveryone has a wish list of events from the past that they would like to have the chance to witness or change. Some would dine with dignitaries, some would bear witness to the great art movements, some would prevent wars.

Noble goals, one and all. I’m a little more street with my list. I’d keep Julie Newmar from quitting the “Catwoman” role after only one year. I’d introduce Curley Howard to the concepts of restraint and nutrition, to prevent the world from losing a comic genius at age 46. I’d bi*ch-slap Harry Sinden into stopping Bobby Orr from signing with the Blackhawks. And I’d bring a VCR back to 1975 NYC so I could record the Dictators’ performance at the MS. All-Bare America contest at the Beacon Theater on Sept. 6, 1975.

“More Beauty per Square Inch than the Grand Canyon!”

Ms. All Bare America

Promoter Rod Swenson, who later went on to semi-fame as the visionary behind the Plasmatics, attempted to legitimize a little bit of Times Square tawdriness by bringing the strip show uptown and giving it a fancy title.

The Dictators were the special musical guest at this show, later reviewed as “the world’s rankest rock’n’roll band.” I have to think that attending this show to see the band is along the lines of buying Playboy to read the articles. The first 100 patrons were given free copies of the first LP, 97 or which were probably used as projectiles to throw at the band. The band’s reception from the crowd was hostile at best, but let’s be realistic — under the circumstances, Hendrix could have been jamming with Lennon, and they most likely would have been booed if they were blocking the audience’s view of the participants. You would hope that the audience would, at very least, have appreciated the context of hearing a song called “T*ts to You.” They did not. Heathens.

There are a few minutes worth of the contest in the 1976 movie “Jabberwalk,” which has yet to see DVD release. I wonder if Tamara Ward and Lyn Lindgred, the 2 finalists in the contest, show the footage to their grandkids. I think not.

— Salvi C.

Ticket stub


Filed under Live, The Cincotta Archives

4 responses to “‘Today Your Love, Tamara Ward!’

  1. Moe

    If my (drug-addled) memory is correct, you didn’t miss as much as you think.

    The mix blew, and the D-Tatas only played a few songs, which were primarily filler between sections of the contest [A non-swimsuit portion, perhaps?] Alas, I don’t recall anything other than how tough it was to make out the tunes, except for this one little useless nugget: The band made their entrances and exits by rising up from and descending into the orchestra pit on a hydraulic stage, a prop I never saw used before or since at the Beacon.

    BTW-If you ever do get that Way-Back Machine working, I suggest setting it for Coventry in Queens for an early gig. [I would have said Popeye’s for the HDM unveiling, but sadly, I wasn’t there.]

  2. By the way, Tamara Ward were arrested this spring: http://northcarolina.arrests.org/Arrests/Tamara_Ward_7418025/
    She’s still out of law 🙂 Just like in 1975.

  3. CLward

    Tamara Ward passed away Dec 18 2014, aged 62.

  4. Marco Perletta

    My mother was a nude contestant in Croatia, in 1976.

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